Loved at 19, Angry till 24 and Finally Understood at 29
If love was written on the bed, we would have been on New York Times Best Selling list. We were that good. But if love was to be felt like a warm whisper on a cold February night, we would have made each other deaf -- note the contrast. It was not our fault. We were young. Our bodies dictated our feelings. Maybe, we didn't know how to love anyone at that age. We knew the kind of love we saw in the movies. We didn't read poetry, then. Even if we did, we only read the roses and didn't think of the unmentioned thorns that grow with it. Love was linear to us, not multi-dimensional - one kiss, a phone call, and a handsome boyfriend. And that linear love resulted in only one emotion after our breakup. It made me angry.
I held onto that anger till 24. Then, time took care of it. You become that memory I buried in the someone's backyard. Well, I was afraid of even burying it in my own. You were my biggest mistake. I moved on but carried the dead weight with me all the time. If I liked someone, I doubted him even before the first date. I didn't trust the compliments. I believed all promises were fake. I thought love was to keep the bed warm, not the soul. I took one man's fault and blamed it on men. I cursed men when I should have picked up the broken pieces of my heart and created a beautiful mosaic. But then, I was angry. I was angry because I didn’t understand love.
It was only with age I understood the real meaning of it. Love is not about the longevity of a relation, it’s about the tiny moments we create. Love is not about growing old together either. If you grew as a person even after your breakup, love has served its purpose. So, I did one thing, one evening I sat down and asked myself, ‘What have you given me?’ At 29, the answer was - the ability to love better. Because of you, I know what is love and how to love. I know whom to love too. I know the ‘why’ of love as well. My only regret was all those years I was bitter. I wish I could go back in time and smoothen the arid patch of my life. I wish I could go back and bloom.
Nodding in agreement...the saving grace being there was no arid patch as I was SO brimming with love that I was busy loving others and expecting/wanting nothing! But, love has its own ways. It hits hardest when you are the most careless. Isliye, let us settle on the growing up part. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I did not know love I thought I know it all and now when I know something about love I think I know nothing. But you have cracked it Saru. You are a brilliant compiler of facts, feelings and the resultant inference. Keep sharing your eternal Gyan Guru maa.
ReplyDeleteEvery experience with love teaches us to love better, be better, and be loved better. Young love is often too fast, too passionate, and then too brittle. As we grow we realise passion is not just about body, but about our whole being.Then, comes the depth of love.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, Saru.
You rendered me speechless. Beautifully portrayed!
ReplyDeleteloved reading the post!
Love is not about growing old together either. If you grew as a person even after your breakup, love has served its purpose.Meaningful definition of love.
ReplyDeleteRegretting those bitter days.....I've been through it too and so much truth in it. With what ease you convert your intimate feelings in to words! Beautiful Saru!
ReplyDeletePotent dialogue with self.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post Saruji, as they say time is the best teacher. One understands feelings over time and that's exactly what you've written.
ReplyDeleteLove is widout expecting anything in return..It is widout a cause..I don't feel u still got the meaning of love at 29!
ReplyDeleteThe contrast in the 1st 2 lines took away my heart. I loved the transition from the age of 19 to 29. One of your all time best posts. Beautiful, Saru :)
ReplyDeleteSuch maturity in the post that only age can bring. But each stage is important to know and experience love. I wouldn't want to go back and change a thing. The passionate love of teens and young adulthood versus the more mature love later, each has its charm.
ReplyDeleteI have fallen for your write, Saru, as always:)
ReplyDeleteNot intending to sound cynical I wish to borrow the title from you and extend it to write mine as 'Loved at 19, Angry till 24, Understood at 29, disillusioned at 39 and be done with it at 49' :)
Beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteLove is all about caring, whatever name you give ... it never remail in boundries ... growing age does not mean peace, love .. love the way you write ...
ReplyDeleteGood one. Hope you will write on whom,why, and how soon :)
ReplyDelete99% of the people lead a love less life. Love is not just physical passion. After all only physical warmth without emotion leads to exhaustion. Too often people view love as a business, as a series of give and take barter system. So when there is breakup, it makes us bitter. If one doesn't connect on the emotional plane and the wavelengths don't match, then things will fall apart. Age brings maturity and some start loving and giving without expecting anything in return. So we find in some cases love continues to grow with time as both the partners move into the autumn of their lives.
ReplyDeleteTime heals . Time teaches. A sensitive person takes time to recover , understand and trust again. Very nice post.
ReplyDeleteLove, told harshly, has turned into a series of deals - give and take - and I don't like the face of it. I like how legends had loved their way into history books. I like how just for one ounce of faith you withstand years of patience and troubles. Thats how love means to me.
ReplyDeleteBut in true sense yes, what you beautifully depicted here is an apt portrayal of love.
Loved this post...it seems to be quite spontaneous, coming straight from the heart! Love is a multi-dimensional emotion as it has many hues and nuances, some of which are beyond the understanding of most of people. So it is interpreted according to their own perception.
ReplyDeleteI have written a few poems on Love and they are strangely different from each other!
Main problem is that when you love some one your heart start expectations
ReplyDeleteI have no words. I am 29, I've done the same, until last month. I'm certainly taking my lesson from here. Thank you Unknown. I wish I knew your name, but thank you :)
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of the bitterness I held within me and how I grew over it. So well written.
ReplyDeleteSuch a warm post, Saru :)
ReplyDelete