My First Awkward Sexual Encounter... Well, Almost!

Men have a weird obsession with boobs. I get that. I even laughed out loud at a party in New York when a drunk friend being called out for objectifying women said - and I quote his exact words - 'We don't want to hear any word against boobs. Woh hamara passion hain.' He was sincere to the level that if there was a club of people extending their solidarity to boobs - he univocally and unanimously be the president.

Cut 2 to a couple of weeks back. I was at a meeting. The girl I was interviewing had no clue of the work she was supposed to do. She was hot and she might have used her body to get things done or undone. But I'm a thorough professional and a girl who only gets "cute" as a compliment, I was adamant on grilling her. In my desi head, I was like - Achha tu hot hai, behan chal ab khelte hai rapid fire. One question after another, I roasted her. But 15 minutes later, things got awkward. She started stripping.

She threw her hair back revealing her sexy collarbones. She pouted her botox-injected lips. I won't lie, the doctor has done a remarkable job on them. She took her jacket off muttering 'it's hot in here.' I was flabbergasted. Fall ke naam pe Toronto mein Games of Thrones wali thand thi - kar kya rahi thi woh! But I'm a self-critical person, I started questioning my integrity.

Am I sending her lesbian signals? I thought. If yes, what the f**k are lesbian signals so I can stop sending those? You see, I'm straight as missionary! Anyway. While she continued bending forward and showing her okayish cleavage - competitive bhawana jaag rahi thi mujh mein. Should I take off my bomber jacket? Should I show her I have got what she has got? Perhaps better. But what if one thing led to another? Maybe looking at mine she would back down from her sultry moves and finally admit her defeat. So many questions with yes-no variations popped in my head ki uska flowchart banate to woh bhi complex hota. And my situation was as complex as an orgy.

I'm also good at quick-on-feet thinking. I asked her one fashion-beauty-fitness-software question. And I got her attention. She corrected her posture and pondered over it. Please note - pondered, not answered. Par izaat bach gayi meri uss din. 

P. S. With this post I'm desperately fishing for 'ladki cute hai par likhti hot hai' compliment.