Words

How melancholic it is that you are the only man I trust my life with and yet I can’t love you? Human emotions are weird. Or am I? Yet all those phone calls where I dial your number and don’t utter a word are proof love exists in all forms. You hear my breathing, silence and sadness. You call my name in between to check if I’m still there or WhatsApp disconnected the only connection we have. I don't call to talk. I want reassurance that you are always there for me. My heart is heavy with unsurmountable pain. If you roam in the darkest corners of my heart, you will see your name written there in bold letters. You are the man who pulls me from depths of despair. But I can’t love you. Not now at least. I don’t want to unburden my sorrows on your shoulders. When the time will come, I want to lie down on your chest and speak only of love. Only of us. Nothing else. I’m really scared. What if I will fall in love with someone else? I won’t have the guts to look into your eyes. I can’t betra

  I vividly remember the day we became lovers from friends. I texted you a picture. I was wearing a new top. Of course, I looked sexy. Of course, you were aroused. But you didn't say anything more than 'fabulous' for the next 1 hour. You conveniently switched the topic. We talked about our trip which we had been planning since we first met. A plan to visit Italy in June and spend days together under the Tuscan sun. Getting tans lines and reminiscing about our youthful, vibrant days. We talked in length about flight tickets, Airbnbs and different trails we would hike. You were describing the joy of driving a bike on the narrow, serpentine roads of Amalfi. As you continued talking about zipping through roads from Sorrento to Positano, I gazed at WhatsApp. Haplessly looking at my picture and my full-blown attempt to seduce you. And then at your insipid 'fabulous'. 'Dang, let's concentrate on Italy, woman,' I told myself. 'So, are you in?' you asked.